#DadAppreciationPost …

Can we just take a moment …

A moment to think how under appreciated dads can be …

Men are just handed a child, who they haven’t grown inside their wombs, who they havnt felt a true bond or connection with, who they havnt physically felt them kicking them every five minutes to remind them they are there.

Dads are forced into this crazy world of trying to build a bond with their children, and man that must be hard.. hell, sometimes it so hard they run away, as fast and they can and leave woman to raise the kids alone. Us woman fall pregnant .. gain some weird natural maternal instincts and start to grown our bond with our babies, they get to know our routines, our voices.. but men? Nope.

See my Mr D was sent away to work after we conceived Child1, he didnt return home until child1 was over a year old and boy that must have hit him hard.

I assume he internally struggled with this whole concept of being throwing into raising a child, of having to now be a “living at home” parent and keep a small child alive, safe and loved, to help when he was poorly, to help when he hurt himself.. the look on his face when something fucked up was soul destroying. He looked helpless.

My Mr D done it though, he is a true super hero to our boys, the bond is completely, well and truly unstoppable. He broke the barrier that alot of men struggle to, he did nappoe changes, he did night feeds, he does bed time stories, he does bath time, he hovers while I wash up dinner dishes.

Mr D has adapted so amazingly and I’m forever grateful for him being such an incredible role model for child1 and child2.

I just think dads need to be appreciated more…

The miracle with added guilt ..

It seems whenever something brilliantly bewildering happens, something gut wrenchingly cruel happens.

See .. I’m a mum and 2 and I have 2 wombs .. yup crazy right?

When I was around 20 weeks pregnant with my 1st child (MASSIVE SHOCK+Birth control FAIL) I was having a check-up and the nurse in charge discovered I in fact had TWO Uterus… I was called in by a specialist from a different hospital to then go over where we would go from here. This scary sounding thing? is called ‘Uterus Didelphys’ I was told how i was now a 1 in 3000 statistic, i was told how I will not carry my unborn child to full term, I was told my womb may not stretch far enough to allow baby to grow fully .. you get the jist, A LOT of scary things were then such a massive part of my pregnancy. I felt I now had an added stress to keep this tiny human safe and inside for as long as possible. But this wasn’t my only stress …

See .. I am 1 of 3 sisters .. the youngest, although I am nearly 30. And I have watched how deliberating and downright cruel the world is .. I went on to have my baby boy at full term and went on to have a 2nd child who I also; defying the rule books by all the specialists, carried to full term. WHY have I been given TWO fully functioning wombs when my beautiful, amazing, naturally maternal sister has been given a sad one? One which longs to grow and carry a child, someone whose arms ache to feel the weight of their own child in their arms, a heart that’s so full of pure love and admiration for their yet to be born child.

The guilt, the heartbreak, the horror, the unknown, the questions, the reality is .. its just a massive overwhelming surge of horrific torture. Should I be happy? Should I update her on baby things? Should I ask her permission to send her photos? Does she even want to see photos? Would she be mad at me even asking these questions? I don’t know how to think or what to think she may think?? I can’t even start to comprehend how dreadful she must feel because I feel so worthless, like I have stolen her dreams .. the ones that have most undoubtedly turned to nightmares.

How can the world be so over giving and miraculous yet so cruelly tragic?

If I could give you the world my beautiful sister, I would hand it to you right now.