Tag: son

The miracle with added guilt ..

It seems whenever something brilliantly bewildering happens, something gut wrenchingly cruel happens.

See .. I’m a mum and 2 and I have 2 wombs .. yup crazy right?

When I was around 20 weeks pregnant with my 1st child (MASSIVE SHOCK+Birth control FAIL) I was having a check-up and the nurse in charge discovered I in fact had TWO Uterus… I was called in by a specialist from a different hospital to then go over where we would go from here. This scary sounding thing? is called ‘Uterus Didelphys’ I was told how i was now a 1 in 3000 statistic, i was told how I will not carry my unborn child to full term, I was told my womb may not stretch far enough to allow baby to grow fully .. you get the jist, A LOT of scary things were then such a massive part of my pregnancy. I felt I now had an added stress to keep this tiny human safe and inside for as long as possible. But this wasn’t my only stress …

See .. I am 1 of 3 sisters .. the youngest, although I am nearly 30. And I have watched how deliberating and downright cruel the world is .. I went on to have my baby boy at full term and went on to have a 2nd child who I also; defying the rule books by all the specialists, carried to full term. WHY have I been given TWO fully functioning wombs when my beautiful, amazing, naturally maternal sister has been given a sad one? One which longs to grow and carry a child, someone whose arms ache to feel the weight of their own child in their arms, a heart that’s so full of pure love and admiration for their yet to be born child.

The guilt, the heartbreak, the horror, the unknown, the questions, the reality is .. its just a massive overwhelming surge of horrific torture. Should I be happy? Should I update her on baby things? Should I ask her permission to send her photos? Does she even want to see photos? Would she be mad at me even asking these questions? I don’t know how to think or what to think she may think?? I can’t even start to comprehend how dreadful she must feel because I feel so worthless, like I have stolen her dreams .. the ones that have most undoubtedly turned to nightmares.

How can the world be so over giving and miraculous yet so cruelly tragic?

If I could give you the world my beautiful sister, I would hand it to you right now.

Have a second child they said …

I feel betrayed .. Betrayed by the ‘mum society’. No one told me life would be like this after having a 2nd child!!!!

So they are both boys, and i absolutely adore every bone in their bodies BUT no one told me the 1st child leads you into a false presences of parenthood .. no one told me how undoubtedly lucky I was with my 1st .. No one warned me of 2nd child syndrome .. so here we go!

This is your; brief, warning!!!

Yes, hes cute, hes funny and hes terribly cheeky but OH MY GODDDD this lad, he is constantly on the go, he is constantly into things and he is ALWAYS finding ways to either humiliate me or make me question myself with some of the sentences that come out of my mouth .. i.e “GET THAT OUT YOUR BUTT CRACK!!” or “WHY ARE YOU PEEING IN THE SINK???” i could name more but they are shameful..

So there was this one day, me and the 2nd child were in a pharmacy .. just having a good ‘ol chat waiting to be served in a PACKED!!!!!! Que .. he turns around .. points to the vagina creams .. and proceeds to shout “MUM ISN’T THAT YOUR CREAM FROM IN THE BATHROOM”, to this every damn person turns around to see where the kid is pointing to and then slowly to my face which is almost resembling a volcano about to explode.

see .. 2nd kids .. they have 100% been on this world before .. they have walked and experienced this earth and they are sent back to those who have been fooled into thinking parenting is easy. ITS NOT. Its hard, the mom guilt grows daily, the feeling of wanting to cry intensifies .. you will loose your damn mind but you will also find this new love .. this kind of love you didn’t feel the 1st time around because well, you cant love two things the exact same. 2nd child love is like a whirlwind kinda love, its like loving things you thought you would usually hate, its him repeatedly shouting no in my ear while poking me in the eye and me just smiling and wanting to kiss his cute face.

So there you have it, 2nd child syndrome IS a thing, it WILL almost drive you too insanity but goodness me they worth it!!